For the longest time, I have been dancing around the issues. I’ve been very careful not to bring up the issue of my wife’s contribution to our marriage breaking up. I’ve essentially been walking on egg shells. A few weeks ago, I went to my mother-in-law’s house and was met with much hostility. I didn’t understand why this was happening because we had been getting along very well since the breakup. I asked her about it and she told me that she heard some very disturbing things about me. I asked her what they were and then decided that I didn’t want to hear the answer because it would only serve to create more hostility between my wife and me. She criticized my job that I had during the recession. My mother-in-law told me that she didn’t think that my job as a pizza delivery guy was the best job to have. I agreed, but then I asked her what she would have me to do. I couldn’t find another job at the time and that was the only job I could get. I also reminded her that that job paid all the bills in the house. It seems as though my wife might have neglected to tell my mother-in-law this point. I also told her that I had the bank statements to prove it in case she didn’t believe me. I simply said to her that I was tired of the responsibility being solely upon me, and my wife acting like she’s a victim. It is not and never will be entirely my fault that our marriage has broken up. I’ve been afraid (I guess this is the word I should use) of making my wife take responsibility for her actions. I’ve listened to people say that I did this and I did that without ever talking about what my wife did in the marriage. And now I’m frustrated because after all of these months (4) she is still not taking responsibility for her actions. My frustration grows into anger every time someone tells me what I did and doesn’t speak about what she did.
I would never make excuses for my behavior, but to me it seems kind of funny that all of a sudden I have an anger issue. It just reared it’s head all of a sudden 4 years into the marriage? That seems kind of strange. I wasn’t this angry before. Surely there must have been some extenuating circumstances that has caused me to be this angry. Unfortunately, we’re not talking about them. I don’t say that to excuse or justify my behavior. I take full responsibility for my actions. But I wasn’t in this relationship alone. It really frustrates me because you can’t change what you don’t acknowledge and if she never acknowledges her part, we will be doomed to repeat it.
She tells me that she doesn’t trust me, but I believe that she really doesn’t trust herself to NOT talk to me like I’m a dog. And I think she’s afraid that it will happen again should she fall into that same pattern. I think she’s afraid to try and change because it’s going to be hard, but nothing in life worth having is easy. I’m really trying to stay above the anger and hostility. Really once I had accepted my responsibility, a lot of the anger towards my wife went away. It made it easier to interact with her. But when she continues to look at me like I’m to blame (I can see it in her eyes), it frustrates me. At this point, I’m not sure we’ll ever get back together.
