Well, my wife seems to have gotten to a point of no return and she is taking my son with her. I had surgery on November 19 and my wife picked me up and took me to the hospital and stayed there with me until midnight and came back the next day and picked me up. I tried one last effort to get her to fight for our marriage and she refused. She kept saying “We’re done.” Maybe the drugs kept me from addressing the “we’re” but she relayed to me an incident that had happened earlier that week. I went to my father’s club meeting and the guest speaker there was the wrestling coach. My son had told me that he was wrestling now and that he was really tired after school because of wrestling practice. I told him to let me know when he has meets because I’d like to go. So when I had the opportunity to talk to the coach and ask how my son was doing, I did. I had made a commitment to stay plugged in and do things differently with my son. I had checked out before and it caused all kinds of problems. So I vowed that I would not do that anymore even though I am out of the house. So I asked the coach if he was ____________’s coach. He told me that he hadn’t been coming to practice and that he had a feeling that he as telling mom and dad that he was going to practice. Then he asked me if I was related to him. And I told him that I was his stepfather. So after the meeting, I called my wife to discuss what our son was doing after school and I said to her, “Unless you know something that I don’t know, we have to talk about what our son is doing after school.” She explained to me that he couldn’t go to wrestling until he got a physical and he’s been still working out, but not the wrestling team. So she knew about it. I said that was a relief and that was that. Well, the coach said something to my son and accused him of lying to us. This of course pissed my son off because he thought I had suggested to the coach that he was lying. My wife was telling me this like I had done something wrong by asking about my son. That was her attitude. Like I had no right to be asking any of his teachers or coaches anything about him. But I kept trying to make my wife see that we still have a lot of love to share and we have a life to live. Unfortunately, I also talked about the past and about her part of the responsibility in the mess that we’re in. I should have realized that she’s too far in denial for me to be able to reason her and so I’ve made a vow not to bring it up again.
Now fast forward to this morning. I called my son as I always do every morning to tell him to have a good day. I asked him if he had a wrestling meet today and he said no. Then I asked him if he had one next Friday and he said he didn’t know. I said, “I think you do because I looked at the schedule.” Then I told him to be safe and have a good day. Next thing I know, I’m getting a nasty email from my wife bitching me out for questioning whether or not my son knew if he had a wrestling match. She told me that if he doesn’t know then he doesn’t know. She thought I was saying I think you do know rather than I think you do have a meet. I don’t know if he thought it or if she thought it, but she told me that I was not welcome at the meets and that “neither one of us wants you there.” I was extremely hurt by this, but I have vowed to not let her take me to an angry place. It was really hard, but I maintained self-control and did not get angry. She even called me up and screamed at me to not talk to any of her friends. I again maintained self-control and simply told her that she cannot dictate who I can and cannot talk to. I’m sure she didn’t hear me because she was still screaming, so I called her after she hung up on me and left that message on her voice mail.
I was very proud of myself for not letting her take me to an angry place. I know she’s going to continue to try because she does love to push my buttons, but I have to learn not to react to that. Today was the first step and I think I’m going to be OK…
