I’ve had to a lot of growing over the last couple of months. I’ve been really busy and haven’t had a chance to write, but I thought I’d take the time tonight since we’re in the middle of a blizzard.
My wife has steadily gotten more and more angry. I haven’t done anything to facilitate this, but to hear her tell it, I’m responsible for all of the ills in her life. Recently, she had an argument with her best friend because she called me her husband. Now I AM still her husband so it wasn’t so odd that her friend should call me her husband. However, my wife exploded on her friend and her friend wasn’t having it. My wife is convinced that I had something to do with this. Why? Well, coincidentally I had sent an email to my wife saying that we should ignore the naysayers and work on getting back together. Apparently the day before I sent this, my wife’s best friend sent an email to my mother-in-law telling her about the fight and saying that my wife needs counseling. I, of course, did not know this, but my wife is convinced that I orchestrated the entire argument to “get” her. I’m at a loss at this point. Even when I’m minding my own business, she still finds a way to make things my fault so she can stay mad at me.
I’ve had to do a total mind shift. I’m spending too much time defending my character and I shouldn’t have to do that. I am and always will be a good person. And I have to remember that. She’s gonna say whatever she wants to about me, but that shouldn’t affect me. In high school, there were a lot of parents who claimed that I was a drug dealer. Now, I knew that I wasn’t because I was actually worse than Nancy Reagan when it came to drugs. (I’ve since then relaxed my stance on drugs. Well, at least on marijuana.) It really bothered me that people thought that I would deal drugs. I was so worried about what these people thought. Now, these people didn’t really know me, so the fact that they thought I was a drug dealer didn’t come from any type of first-hand knowledge. I guess they had heard a rumor. I let this really get to me until one day the light came on. I realized that nothing I’m going to say is going to change these people’s opinion of me. So there was no sense in trying to defend myself. It was just going to fall on deaf ears. So I had to come to terms with the fact that I knew it wasn’t true and God knew it wasn’t true. And that was all I really needed. It finally gave me peace of mind.
This is what I’ve had to do with my wife. There are no magical words that are going to make her suddenly stop saying things about me. I just have to be confident in the fact that I know what she’s saying isn’t true and God knows it isn’t true. And I finally can have some peace now. As a result, when she says caustic things about me, I respond with nothing but love. Recently she called me a dirty bitch and I responded by saying that I love her and she’s an amazing woman. And each and every time she says something nasty to me, I’m only going to respond with love.
I love her with all of my heart and I always will. And I pray that one day she will see how much I love her because I know in my heart that God will fix this entire mess.
