My Story

About 2 months ago, my wife and I had a very big argument. It was so big that she forced me to move out of the house. I was so pissed at her. I wanted her to pay for destroying the beautiful relationship that we had. I kept saying that if she could only see what she did; if she could only admit what she had done. I spent many nights just being angry. Along about the same time, I was reintroduced to a way if living that causes you to expect more from yourself, challenge yourself, live fearlessly, completely open and expressive and totally engaged with the world. It came along at the right time. I had forgotten what it was like to feel fear and do things anyway. I had checked out of the marriage without realizing it. I had checked out of being a father out of fear of fucking up and rejection. I couldn’t see any of this until I could put some distance between me and my family. And now that I can see what I was doing to my family, I am ready to start down this long road to becoming the man I want to be.

How It All Started

I met my wife when we were both working at Bank of America. One of my friends thought that we would make a good couple, but I didn’t see it. But we had a first date anyway...on television. Our first date was on The Learning Channel’s A Dating Story. It wasn’t a love connection, but a friend connection. We hung out on occasion and I thought that maybe we could try and make something more of it, but she wasn’t interested. No big deal to me. I moved on and so did she. We hooked up every now and then over the next couple of years. And then through a series of moves, I lost track of her. So I thought I’d never see her again.

Then one day out of the blue, she called me. It had been about 2 years since I had talked to her, but she somehow remembered my number. A coincidence? I think not. I happened to be doing a show at the time and I invited her to come. She came to see the show and we went out afterwards. We had a great time. While we were together, God spoke to me. It had to be God because it was an overwhelming feeling that told me that she was the one. I was shocked! It came from nowhere and was the furthest thing from my mind, but it was a powerful voice and I knew in that instant what I had to do. I had to make her mine. She was still resistant to being with me until one day we went out to dinner and she told me that she couldn’t stop thinking about me. It was then that I knew I had her. We had a very short courtship because I had an overwhelming feeling that told me that she was not girlfriend material, but wife material. And I had to agree. It just didn’t feel right to call her my girlfriend. It felt right to call her my wife. So after 3 months, I asked her to marry me. She said yes. And on Christmas Eve 2005, three months after I proposed we got married. It felt right and it has always felt right. I was definitely receiving very powerful spiritual guidance.

My Struggle

My wife has a son and it looked like we were all going to get along really well. Then we didn’t. I felt totally disrespected as a parent not only by my stepson, but by my wife, my mother-in-law and my sister-in-law. I felt that no one saw me as a parent and it made me feel really insecure. And we all know what happens to insecure people who are supposed to have authority, but don’t feel like they do…they beat suspects with their batons. I wasn’t beating up anyone, but I knew that I couldn’t get a solid foothold in my family. I was drowning and no matter how much I tried to grab onto something to save me, I just kept going under. And it’s a scary place to be. And it had a ripple affect. My wife didn’t feel supported because I wasn’t supporting our son. The problem was that I couldn’t see it and my wife couldn’t communicate it to me in a healthy way. It was communicated to me as putdowns, and name calling. So of course, I was defensive. After years of enduring this verbal abuse, the argument came to a head and I grabbed my wife to try and make her listen to what she was saying to me. Of course, that’s not the way to handle it and that’s not the way I want to be. She had me removed from the house and it was a very humbling experience. My marriage was over. I had to move in with a friend until I could find a place to live. I was separated physically from my family after having been separated from them mentally.

The Realization

Seven years beforehand, I attended a weekend at the The Wright Institute. I began to think about life differently and began to fill my life with more fulfilling things. I knew that that was the key to more success, more love, more money, more time, more of everything. And it had been working. In fact, that’s when my wife came back into my life. To me it was just another sign that the time was right. So after we separated, I was reintroduced to the institute and these principles and it was like a slap in the face. I hadn’t been fully engaged. I hadn’t been fully open and present in each and every moment. I hadn’t been living in truth. I hadn’t been facing my fears. I had checked out and was playing it safe. And when it hit me, I knew that there was some emotional business I needed to clean up. I had an honest conversation with my mother-in-law which led to an honest conversation with my wife and stepson. I finally got it. I got what my wife was trying to say to me and I got that I wasn’t there the way I needed to be for my son or for her. It was an even more humbling experience than getting kicked out of my house. I had to stand in front of my son and my wife and tell them that I was a fuck up. I told them that things would be different because now I was going to force myself to be there even though I was still scared. And that my wife would feel like she wasn’t doing everything by herself. I have to be committed to my family in more than word. I have to show them that I am the man that I know I can be.