Stop Playing The Blame Game

When a marriage breaks up, I wonder if the husband and wife accept their role in the break up. It takes two people in a marriage whether it works or it fails. It can’t be both of their successes when it works and only one person’s fault when it doesn’t work. There are always two sides to the situation. Marriage takes work no matter how much we want it to be really easy and to just exist together peacefully. If I were asked whether or not I put in 100% effort into my marriage I would have to say no. If I were asked that question before my wife and I separated, I would have told you of course I did. I really thought I was working as hard as I could in my marriage. I was working hard, but I was working hard at trying to stay afloat. I felt like I was drowning and I couldn’t grab a hold of the life preserver. No matter how hard I tried, I just couldn’t get my head above water. But just like drowning, the more you flail, the more you sink. And I was flailing like a maniac!

I think that there was so much more I could have done. It’s not about the other person and what they would have done and the if onlys. If only she would have this or if only she would have that then we’d have a great marriage. I am in love with my wife, very much in love with her. We are like kids when we’re together. We play little games. We hold hands. We are in love. So to me all of this makes no sense, but then again it does. I thought that putting the time into my marriage was enough, that making sure that my wife felt like she was beautiful and that she was the only woman in the world for me was enough. It wasn’t. There was a lot more that I could have done. It’s hard for me to pinpoint specific things I could have done, but I know that I didn’t give it my all because I was too busy trying to save myself. My marriage means everything to me and I should have done a lot more to hold it together. I’m not saying that my wife doesn’t share responsibility with me, but maybe if she would have felt that I was working as hard as I could, that she would have done the same.